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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931986">The Comfort of Company</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDogPotato/pseuds/TheDogPotato'>TheDogPotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Whitechapel (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stabbing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:09:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDogPotato/pseuds/TheDogPotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes Kent almost dying for Chandler to realise his feelings for him</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joseph Chandler/Emerson Kent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Comfort of Company</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They knew who the killer was and where to find him. Now came the part where they had to apprehend him. Chandler was behind the wheel in a flash, and Kent next to him in the passenger’s seat only a couple of seconds later before they were on their way.</p><p>More often than not, it was Kent who was Chandler’s right hand man these days. Miles wasn’t getting any younger and even though Kent still hadn’t taken his sergeant’s exam, he’d been studying hard for it and when the time came, there was no doubt in Chandler’s mind that he would ace it.</p><p>He’d always been a smart and diligent worker, but in the years that Chandler had known him he had grown to become much more confident, to take charge, responsibility and to guide others. He was still the same sensitive person, and he still needed his moments, but as Miles had taught Chandler early on, they all did.</p><p>Chandler was more than proud of him, and he couldn’t be more relieved than when Kent had announced he’d stay on the Whitechapel team. It was comforting to know that when Miles reached retirement, he would have an equally good and dependable sergeant by his side, and even more comforting was the fact that he knew him and was used to the way he was. He and Miles had ended up becoming the best of unlikely friends, but when they’d first butted heads it could have gone down a very different path, and Chandler didn’t want to experience that with a new sergeant.</p><p>Kent and he had a strong if different bond than him and Miles did. Kent was the first of the team to support him, and that support had never once wavered. Chandler couldn’t even begin to put into words how much that had meant for him and still did, not even to himself, so he just did his best to show Kent that same support, even though he felt like it’d never be enough to make up for his past mistakes.</p><p>They arrived at the big office building that the killer worked in. It was late in the day and the parking lot was not nearly as packed as the last time they’d been to see him, but they knew he worked late hours, and were certain they could find him there.</p><p>They were correct, but the man didn’t want to go quietly. He bolted as soon as he saw them, and Chandler and Kent took off after him. They split up, so they could better cover the mazes of hallways, offices and meeting rooms of the building.</p><p>Chandler was right behind him and gaining, but the killer knew the layout of the place better and managed to avoid him. He shot down another hallway when Kent unexpectedly turned up in front of him. With Chandler at his heels and Kent down the hallway, his only option was to run into the nearest meeting room that had a door on the other side.</p><p>He ran over to it, but the door was locked, and before he could even think to fish up his keys, Chandler was in the room behind him, followed by Kent shortly after.</p><p>They’d cornered him which usually didn’t end well for their victims. The man produced a knife and held it tensely in front of him. Chandler instinctually drew back and made himself less of a threat in the hopes that the killer wouldn’t take the way out that so many had done before him, but Kent recognized the look in the man’s face as soon as Chandler lowered his defense. It wasn’t the look of a man about to use the knife on himself, but of one who saw an opportunity for attack, and Kent reacted the moment the man did. Before the man could reach Chandler, Kent had put himself in between them.</p><p>Kent grabbed the man’s arm to deflect it, so it didn’t hit Chandler, but the momentum was too great for him to stop it. A scuffle ensued. The man drew back, and the knife clattered to the floor.</p><p>Without a weapon and not wanting to chance bowing down to get the knife, he ran.</p><p>“Good job, Kent, come on!” Chandler said as he resumed the chase.</p><p>He’d almost reached the door when he heard the faintest “Sir” from Kent. He looked back briefly to see what was up, but the sight that met him stopped him in his tracks.</p><p>Kent was hunched over, clutching at his stomach as crimson blossomed out across the white of his shirt. He looked up at Chandler, his eyes big with fright.</p><p>Chandler looked out the door to see the man who was quickly escaping. He’d made this decision before, and he’d been criticized for it, but still there was no doubt in his heart of what choice he would make. He turned back towards Kent, his phone already in his hand to call emergency services.</p><p>Kent had jumped in front of him to <em>protect him</em>. He was hurt because Chandler had let his guard down. Chandler was the reason he was hurt. No. It was the killer who had wielded the knife. But he had been headed for Chandler, not for Kent, and still Kent was now the one bleeding from his abdomen.</p><p>Chandler was currently torn between guilt for Kent being hurt on his behalf, fear of the injury he had sustained and something else. A sort of mix of deep appreciation that he would throw himself in between Chandler and an oncoming danger like that.</p><p>He tried to be professional when he called it in, but his voice betrayed him, shaking, as he looked upon his DC. His heart pounded in fear. He’d seen Kent hurt before, but not like this. The blood was still spreading across his shirt and seeping through his fingers as he clutched at the wound. His legs were shaking, and slowly gave way underneath him until he had to surrender and sit down on the floor.</p><p>“Kent!” Chandler called out of concern, forgetting for a moment he was on the phone, before returning the best he could to his professional demeanour.</p><p>He kneeled beside Kent as soon as the call was over, and the phone was back in his pocket. Kent was still sitting upright, breathing rapidly as he stared ahead of him. His eyes glanced briefly over at Chandler as he knelt down, but soon returned to staring straight ahead.</p><p>“The paramedics will be here soon, Kent, don’t worry,”</p><p>A hurried high pitched “hm” was all Kent managed to give in response. His face was beyond pale, and with the bleeding, Chandler was worried he might be going into shock due to the loss of blood.</p><p>“I think it would be better if you laid down.”</p><p>Kent let out a couple of short moans of pains. “No, I’m…” he gagged, and Chandler understood. He was afraid that going from seated to lying down would be enough to go from being nauseated to actually vomiting, but this only confirmed Chandler’s fears and he knew he had to lie down.</p><p>“Kent, you <em>have</em> to lie down,” Chandler said as soft spoken as he could make the command.</p><p>Kent whimpered as he slowly lowered himself to lie down. He closed his eyes tight and his rapid breath seemed to become a bit deeper and steadier for a while as he focused on it.</p><p>Chandler took off his coat and bundled it up.</p><p>“I’m gonna put my jacket under your legs to elevate them,” he informed Kent, as he still had his eyes closed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kent said shortly in between his breaths that he was struggling to keep from getting more rapid and shallow again.</p><p>Chandler gently lifted Kent’s legs to put the jacket underneath them. Doing so, he spotted the offensive weapon lying at Kent’s feet, glistening red with Kent’s blood. He wanted to kick it away, angry at it for the damage it had inflicted upon Kent, but he knew he couldn’t. It was evidence.</p><p>“Mm, no. The blood. Your jacket,” Kent said, and Chandler’s attention was turned towards him again. He’d cracked open his eyes and was squinting at Chandler. The jacket was already ruined, but Chandler didn’t pay it any mind.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it,” Chandler said trying to sound reassuring. He now turned towards the wound. Kent was still trying to apply pressure to it, but his hands were shaking and were clearly not as strongly clutched to his stomach as they had been at first. The blood was still escaping at a worryingly pace.</p><p>The worry in Chandler’s mind threatened to take over. How much blood had he lost? Too much? No. He had to reel himself back in and think practically. He had to help Kent apply pressure so he wouldn’t lose as much blood.</p><p>He carefully laid his hand on top of Kent’s. They were cold and clammy which wasn’t a surprise to Chandler. Kent flinched at the touch.</p><p>“Sorry, I’m sorry,” he didn’t want to inflict more pain on him, but he had to. “I’m gonna apply some more pressure. I’m sorry.” He pressed down and Kent inhaled sharply before his breath became even more rapid.</p><p>Chandler looked at Kent with concern. Despite the efforts to help his circulatory system and lessen the flow of blood, Kent was looking worse by the minute. His pale face was turning ashen with time and there was a slight blue tinge to his lips.</p><p>Chandler anxiously glanced up at the door. How long would it take? What if they were too late?</p><p>This time he was shaken out of his negative thoughts by Kent suddenly shifting his hands to grip at his hand above them.</p><p>“Chandler!”</p><p>Chandler shifted so he could hold Kent’s hands with one and use the other to apply pressure to the wound. Once more the added pressure made Kent wince with pain, but Chandler kept himself from apologizing as he saw Kent’s fearful eyes fixated on him. He hadn’t gotten his attention for nothing.</p><p>“I’m- I’m scared. I feel like I’m not going to… My family, I haven’t said goodbye.”</p><p>Chandler felt an icy chill go down his back at hearing Kent say that. He was paralyzed for a few seconds before trying to calmly speak:</p><p>“Hey, you’re gonna make it, okay? The paramedics are gonna be here soon.”</p><p>He felt as if he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to reassure Kent, but Kent started stirring restlessly as if he was trying to sit up again.</p><p>“It’s alright,” Chandler said, wincing at his own useless words that meant nothing to either of them, as he squeezed Kent’s hands.</p><p>“It’s <em>not. </em>I can’t just leave them,” the look of pure fear and sadness that accompanied those words broke Chandler’s heart.</p><p>He had no words of comfort for that, could no longer pretend to himself that Kent dying wasn’t a possibility. It scared him beyond belief to let the realization sink in, and the only thing that kept him from losing his composure was Kent, still there in front of him. He couldn’t break down now. If it really was the end, he had to be strong for him. </p><p>But barely had he made that promise to himself before his strength crumbled, as Kent’s rapid breaths soon turned into gasps of air.</p><p>“Kent? Kent?!” Chandler called out.</p><p>But Kent didn’t respond. He struggled to breathe, and the gasps became more and more desperate. Chandler didn’t know what to do. He held onto Kent’s hands, kept the pressure on his abdomen firm even as he moved about trying to draw in enough air.</p><p>“Kent, please don’t- don’t leave me,” his dependable sergeant to be. His ever-supportive right-hand man. His rock. Never had he thought he could lose him so suddenly. He was a constant. A wide smile. An always welcome sight. A warm blanket of comfort. He couldn’t lose him. Not when he loved him.</p><p>He-</p><p><em>He loved him</em>.</p><p>The realization dawned on him and Chandler had to rewind to really grasp it. <em>No.</em> Why couldn’t he see it before? He desperately tightened his grip on Kent’s hands.</p><p>“<em>Kent! I-“</em></p><p>He didn’t get to finish the sentence, as a hand on his shoulder startled him. He hadn’t noticed that the paramedics had arrived, and suddenly he was standing and talking to one of them while everything was hectic around him. He could barely concentrate on what he was saying, as he was focused on Kent, who’d lost consciousness.</p><p>The arrival of the paramedics had instilled a bit of hope in him, but still it felt like he had a tornado of emotions swirling within him, and he didn’t have any time to sit down and process any of them.</p><p>The next couple of hours went by in a haze as he went through the motions. He already knew the steps to be taken from the time Miles had been stabbed.</p><p>Chandler’s hands were still covered in Kent’s blood, but it wasn’t until the paramedics had taken Kent with them, and Chandler could no longer anxiously stay with him, even though he wanted to, that he found a bathroom to wash the blood off. He scrubbed his hands clean until they were raw and red, trying to rid himself of the image that had planted itself in his head as soon as he’d taken in the fact that Kent could die – the image of his cold and lifeless body, like he’d seen so many before, taped to the whiteboard. Just another victim. It didn’t work. The image was persistent, and he had to eventually force himself to stop and not continue the spiral.</p><p>He dealt with everything that needed to be dealt with. At some point he called Miles to let the others know what had happened and they all arrived promptly to help sort things out, but at every possible moment all that Chandler could think about was Kent.</p><p>Was he going to make it?</p><p>He was beyond anxious, and whenever he thought about it, dread filled him. Sometimes he’d get the faintest bit of hope, but it was quickly eclipsed by dread once more, and now he had to share this horrifying feeling, by calling Kent’s family to tell them what had happened. How he managed to stay professional in the face of their worried voices that reflected his own feelings, he didn’t know, but to his credit, he did.</p><p>After everything, he collapsed in his office chair back at the station, exhausted. As well as he could mask it from people who didn’t know him, it was clear as day to Miles who, after giving him a moment to breathe, came knocking on his door.</p><p>Chandler made a tired gesture for Miles to come in.</p><p>“How are you handling it?”</p><p>Chandler rubbed his eyes. He was so tired. He couldn’t find the words.</p><p>“That bad, huh?” Miles sent him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>Chandler didn’t have to reply to that. Everything about him was spelling out that yes, he was handling it badly.</p><p>“He’s a tough kid. He’ll make it through alright,”</p><p>“You weren’t there. You didn’t see him,” his voice was quavering as he spoke. “I’m afraid he won’t.” The dam broke the moment he voiced his concern. He was a right mess, but it was nothing Miles hadn’t seen before. </p><p>“I don’t think I heard any stories of you crying this much back when I was stabbed. Should I be offended?” Miles said teasingly.</p><p>Chandler chuckled briefly and wiped the tears from his face. New ones replaced them quickly.</p><p>“It was probably nice to not have you nagging for a moment,” he teased back.</p><p>“Well it’s good that I have since made up for that. You need someone to nag you, like right now. There’s nothing more for you to do right now.”</p><p>“The killer’s still-“ Chandler began.</p><p>“There’s nothing more you <em>can</em> do right now. Not when you’re exhausted like that. Kent’s in the best hands he can be, and you sitting here worrying about him isn’t gonna help anyone. At least, if you’re going to worry, you can go home and do it in the comfort of your own bed. Maybe you’ll even get some sleep. And even if you don’t, it’s still better than this.”</p><p>Chandler knew he was right. He had his doubts that he would get any sleep, but he knew even lying down with his eyes closed would help, and if he removed himself from work it’d be easier to tell himself that there wasn’t anything he could do at that moment in time, and that he just needed to sleep.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll try to get some rest,” Chandler finally agreed.</p><p>“Glad to hear it. You want a lift? We can’t have you falling asleep behind the wheel.”</p><p>“No, I’m okay.”</p><p>“You don’t look it,” Miles said.</p><p>“I can manage to drive home,” Chandler snapped.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Miles put his hands in front of him as if in surrender. </p><p>Chandler sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit on edge.”</p><p>Miles raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” He could tell that Chandler was about to apologise again and smiled. “Don’t worry about it. Just get yourself home alright.” </p><p>Chandler agreed, but when he got into his car, he didn’t head home. He instead found himself heading for the hospital. He needed to hear how Kent was doing. Imagined himself being there when Kent came out of anesthesia.</p><p>When he entered the waiting room however, the first thing he saw was Kent’s sister together with who he could only presume to be Kent’s parents, and he felt out of place and intrusive. He didn’t have the rights to come here and disturb an already distressed and worried family with his own worries, so he quickly turned around and went out to sit in the car, which he parked so he could see the entrance.</p><p>He didn’t go home. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had to go and see Kent. He just couldn’t do it before his family had left.</p><p>He hoped with all his heart that Kent was well and that they had a lovely reunion. He couldn’t forget the sadness in Kent’s voice when he thought he might die without saying goodbye to them. That couldn’t be the last thought he would ever have. <em>It couldn’t.</em></p><p>As time passed, Chandler only felt himself become more and more unraveled. His head was aching badly and the only thing he had to calm himself was his tiger balm. He was happy he’d removed himself from the office and the bottle of whisky lurking there. He would be in no state to visit his constable in hospital as a superior officer if he was reeking of alcohol. It didn’t mean he didn’t crave something to dull his nerves though. Something to distract him.</p><p>It was just about getting too much when he finally spotted Erica leaving hospital. He sat up and scanned for Kent’s parents, but they weren’t there. He had to steel himself with more patience.</p><p>Luckily, it only took another 5 minutes for them to leave hospital as well.</p><p>Chandler had barely watched them pass him, before he got out of the car and headed inside.</p><p>He asked about Kent’s whereabouts, and the employee squinted at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sir, but it’s very late, and I’m sure your employee is tired. It would probably be best if you came to see him in the morning,” he said.</p><p>“Can’t I just see him. Please it will only take a moment. I just need to see that he’s okay. I was with him when he was stabbed, and I can’t stop worrying about it.”</p><p>Chandler must’ve looked a right pity sight, cause he agreed that he could go see him quickly and directed him to the ward and room he was in.</p><p>He quietly entered the room, mindful of the other sleeping patient in there. Kent was the furthest away near the windows. A curtain obscured him until Chandler was right in front of him. As always seeing someone in hospital was a dramatic sight, but Chandler knew rationally that the machine and drops he was hooked up to had good purposes. Still, he understood Kent’s discomfort in hospitals.</p><p>Kent was asleep and the worried and frayed part of Chandler’s mind told him it was the same as he’d last seen him, but it wasn’t, and not just for the obvious fact that his abdomen was no longer covered in blood. You couldn’t even see where he had been stabbed, hidden underneath the duvet. No, the most comforting sign that he was doing better was his face. It was clear from the healthy colour that he no longer lacked blood, and even though he wished he could talk to him, seeing him relaxed and asleep was good. He knew how much it helped to be well rested.</p><p>He was slightly self-aware of the irony of that thought, as he stood there exhausted beyond belief for no particular reason. Kent was gonna be the same whether he saw him now or in the morning, and the only thing being here had done was to tire him out even more.</p><p>But no. It had helped. It did help to see him alive. Now he just needed someone who could tell him what had happened. What his chances were.</p><p>He got a hold of a nurse, who informed him that Kent had suffered a deep laceration to his liver and a severe blood loss, and that he’d required surgery, but that all had gone well, meaning that by far the worst risk was over, but of course he was under watch after the procedure. He wasn’t sure they normally would indulge a person’s boss with this info, and sadly he probably wouldn’t qualify as a loved one, but given that he was the one who had been with him when he was stabbed and called it in, it wasn’t like he didn’t know about the injury already. Still he was very thankful that the nurse had helped him settle his worries.</p><p>Comforted by his visit, he returned to his car, but if he had been exhausted enough before that Miles had been worried about him driving, he couldn’t even begin to comprehend how much more exhausted he was now. He was in no state to drive, and so he just made himself as comfortable as it was possible in the car, meaning not very, but it was still enough for him to fall asleep.</p><p>***</p><p>When the knife plunged into him, Kent was still holding onto the other man’s arm. He tried to pull away, but Kent held tight, still trying to apprehend the man, like his body and brain weren’t quite agreeing on how severe what just happened was.</p><p>The unexpectedly tight grip sent the knife clattering to the floor as the man pulled back, and as Kent spotted the bloody knife, it was like he only just became aware of the horrible pain in his abdomen. He doubled over, frantically pressing his hands against the wound that was already pouring blood.</p><p>He only vaguely noticed Chandler running away from him, and he gasped out a desperate “sir!” He didn’t want to let the killer get away, but he was scared, and he needed someone there.</p><p>Chandler was there in a heartbeat, taking care of things, taking care of him, guiding him, even despite the blood.</p><p>He wanted to thank him, but it got lost within the pain, dizziness, nausea and discomfort.</p><p>He felt out of breath even as he breathed rapidly, and it unsettled him even more, but Chandler was there a firm presence as he helped slow down the flow of the blood.</p><p>“Chandler!”</p><p>He called out of worry as he frantically searched for his hand, seeking comfort unashamedly. Chandler took his hands in his own, and Kent looked intensely at him. For a short moment all he could think about was the feeling of them holding hands. It was the closest he had ever been to the man he loved, and while he regretted that, it was comforting to have that, to have him here with him in what might be his last moments.</p><p>The unsettling feeling turned into dread then.</p><p><em>He felt like he was going to die</em>.</p><p>His family. No. <em>No.</em> He couldn’t just die and leave them behind. He couldn’t hurt them like that.</p><p>He told Chandler, who tried to calm him down, but he couldn’t calm down. He stirred restlessly. He’d never felt so frightened and helpless before. There was nothing he could do. The panic only intensified as it became even harder to breathe.</p><p>He felt the grasp on his hands tighten as Chandler called out his name. He began to struggle, as he gasped for air. It wasn’t enough.</p><p>He felt his world darken.</p><p>The center of his torso was pain, dulling and intensifying.</p><p>He opened his eyes.</p><p>The hospital.</p><p>He hadn’t died.</p><p>He felt woozy and nauseous, and it was uncomfortable. He had a hard time focusing his thoughts, but at least he could breathe. He could breathe freely and he appreciated the feeling for a short moment before a sharp increase in pain disrupted the calm breathing. He drew in a sharp breath of air. The pain was getting worse and soon it was all he could focus on. He looked about him and found the button to call someone.</p><p>A short visit and checkup later, where Kent learned about his injury and the surgery, the pain relief had been administered, and even though it would take a while for it to take effect, it calmed Kent enough that he could focus on something other than the pain.</p><p>Unfortunately for him, he immediately thought back to how he was feeling before falling unconscious. It brought a lump in his throat thinking about it, and even though he was no longer dying, he felt incredibly homesick. He had to call his family and tell them he loved them.</p><p>It was to his happy surprise then, that his family had been waiting at the hospital for him to gain consciousness and arrived to see him as soon as they’d been told he’d woken up.</p><p>It was a tearful but comforting visit. Kent would have liked it to last. At some point he’d start feeling ashamed of his constant need of comfort from the people around him, but not yet. He figured, if there was any time you were allowed to crave it, it was after a near death experience. He dragged it out as long as he could, but in the end, he was so exhausted, he was almost falling asleep sitting up, and they said their goodbyes.</p><p>The next time he woke up was almost the same.</p><p>He woke up to the fluctuating pain in his abdomen and had to call for pain relief.</p><p>He was checked up on and served a simple breakfast - the first bit of food he could keep down since he’d been there – and within minutes he could feel his homesickness grow again. This time there was a slight pang of shame tied to it. He was a grown man. He could sit alone in a hospital until his family came to visit again.</p><p>Even though he really hated hospitals.</p><p>Not the function of them. Of course not. Nor the wonderful workers. But the atmosphere. The bad things tied to a place like that. It made him worry and empathise and just <em>feel </em>too much.</p><p>And being stuck in one, especially after an experience like his, was the worst.</p><p>He felt horrible. The thoughts and feelings whirling round inside him were getting overwhelming. He really needed a distraction, but the book and crosswords his family had brought him did nothing at the moment, and as he didn’t have a charger, his phone had quickly run out of battery.</p><p>It was then a distraction showed up that he hadn’t expected. Not this early in the day anyway, and not looking like the walking dead.</p><p>“Chandler?” Kent exclaimed before wondering whether he should’ve addressed him as “sir”. The last time he’d addressed him had been as Chandler as well, but that had been in quite a different circumstance.</p><p>It didn’t seem to bother him though, and he lit up as he said: “Kent! I’m glad to see you up and looking better. I hope you’re feeling alright as well.”</p><p>Had it been one of his friends or other colleagues, Kent would have chirped that <em>he</em> looked like shit, but this was Chandler, and Kent only felt a vague worry. What had happened after he’d lost consciousness to make Chandler look so disheveled and like he’d barely slept.</p><p>His first thought was that the killer had chosen the way out that killers usually did before them, but he didn’t dare ask the question, so instead he just answered:</p><p>“Yes, thank you, sir. The pain is a bit tough to deal with, so I have painkillers, but so far it seems like things are going alright. It was my liver that was stabbed. That was why it bled so much. Quite a deep cut, so they had to operate, but at least the liver should be quite good at healing up.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I know, I uh, spoke with a nurse,” Chandler said sheepishly.</p><p>“Oh alright,” Kent answered simply. It didn’t bother him that Chandler had sought out the information. If anything, Chandler deserved to hear it. He was the reason that Kent was still there. He’d gotten his hands and clothes covered in his blood with no hesitation to save him, and Kent knew that was no easy feat for Chandler.</p><p>He didn’t know how to express his gratitude for him properly. He was afraid voicing it would uncork the bottle and all of his feelings would come pouring out.</p><p>Chandler suppressed a yawn. Since the painkillers worked, he really looked worse than Kent felt. Why was he here this early in the day? He could’ve gone home to sleep before coming to see him. There had to be some news, and Kent didn’t think he’d like the answer.</p><p>“What happened to the killer?” he finally asked, but was surprised when Chandler looked confused, obviously not expecting the question. That couldn’t have been why he was there then.</p><p>“Oh um, we haven’t pursued him yet, so we don’t know. It takes a while to deal with a stabbing, as you might recall from The Ripper.”</p><p>“Oh,” Kent paused. “Thank you. For coming to my aid, I mean. You could have pursued him. I’m sorry, I don’t want this to be another Ripper case for you.”</p><p>“Oh no, don’t be sorry, Kent. Of course I’d always choose to stay behind for a member of my team, even if the killer should get away and I’d receive the backlash again. Besides, we might’ve lost him this time, but it doesn’t mean we can’t find him again.”</p><p>“But if I’d just been stronger, he wouldn’t have been able to… We practically <em>had</em> him, and I messed it up.” Kent lowered his head and shut his eyes. He didn’t mean to be so candid, but it was how he felt.</p><p>“Messed it up?” Chandler’s voice was shaking. How could Kent think like that? “Kent, you jumped in front of me to save me from a man with a knife!”</p><p>He had really done that. He’d always chided Chandler inwards for his lack of self-preservation, and here he’d been, jumping in front of a man attacking with a knife. Deep down he knew he hadn’t thought he’d be able to deflect it. His thoughts had only been saving Chandler with no regard for his own safety.</p><p>“I was just doing my job. Though not very well,” he mumbled into his chest. There was a pause, and then a sniffling sound brought his attention back to Chandler. He was hastily blinking away a couple of tears, as Kent’s gaze fell upon him again.</p><p>Kent’s breath caught in his throat. Chandler was really in a bad way. He’d never seen him like this before, and he’d seen him at some pretty low points.</p><p>“Um, sir, there’s a chair right there if you’d like to sit down,” Kent offered. He looked so tired and if he was to stay even for just a short while longer, Kent wanted him to be more comfortable.</p><p>“Oh yeah, thanks,” Chandler said and moved the chair to better face him before sitting down.</p><p>Kent had offered but was honestly surprised that Chandler had accepted. He didn’t expect that Chandler’s visit would last long enough for him to actually take a seat, but then again, he still didn’t know why Chandler was looking so tired. There had to be bad news incoming. Bad news that Chandler couldn’t bring himself to tell him yet.</p><p>Silence stretched between them as Chandler didn’t seem to offer anything more, and Kent had to ask:</p><p>“Sir, I’m sorry to be so forward, but you seem really tired. Is there a particular reason you’re here so early? Not that I don’t appreciate you coming by to see if I’m okay.”</p><p>“Well- I- I’m not-,” Chandler huffed. He seemed almost flustered, though Kent was sure it was due to his weariness. “It’s not that there’s any particular reason. Work dragged out and it’s all- it was a stressful situation and I’ve not really been able to sleep that well, so better to get the day started, and I wanted to visit you sometime during the day anyway, as I’m sure the others will. I hope I didn’t disturb you by coming here too early. I know rest is important.”</p><p>Kent furrowed his brow. What Chandler was saying was very like him, but he was leaving something out. His clothes were wrinkly and untidy, and Kent had only seen Chandler like that when he didn’t have anything to change into. He hadn’t spent the night at home then, and most likely not at the station either, since it was doubtful that he’d run out of fresh shirts there.</p><p>He wasn’t about to question it any further though. He was very grateful to have Chandler there, and he didn’t want to pry and chance saying something that would make Chandler leave. It was clear Chandler didn’t think it concerned Kent and he respected that. </p><p>“No, you didn’t disturb me at all,” Kent said. Quite the opposite. Chandler’s presence had distracted him from feeling alone and scared and reflecting on his own mortality. “I had already been up for a bit.”</p><p>“That’s good,” Chandler smiled, eyes closed, as he sleepily rubbed his right eye.</p><p>Kent felt like he wasn’t supposed to see Chandler like this. Was this how he looked when he’d just gotten out of bed in the morning? All soft around the edges. His heart started pounding faster at the thought, and he quickly looked out the window trying to think of anything else before his face started to flush.</p><p>“So, what’s the plan then? Killer got away. Do we have any idea where he might be?” Kent asked.</p><p>Chandler sat up straight, his face serious, instantly looking more like the man Kent was used to at work.</p><p>“Shift doesn’t start for a while, but I expect we’ll have a brainstorm. Go through his regular contacts to see if anyone knows anything about his whereabouts. Get some people staked out at his home. We’ll be sure to find him eventually. I’m more worried about a new body turning up. We might have broken up his routine yesterday, and he left his weapon at the scene of the crime, but he could have gotten a new one and found his next victim afterwards.”</p><p>“Yeah, that was partly why I was so surprised to see you already. You don’t think he could’ve considered me the victim of the day?”</p><p>Chandler shook his head. “No, your stabbing wouldn’t fit his MO, and he had no idea of knowing whether you’d died or not.”</p><p>“Maybe he’ll be more concerned with getting away now that he knows we know it’s him,” Kent suggested.</p><p>Chandler’s face turned dark. “Maybe.”</p><p>Kent could easily guess Chandler’s line of thought. The killer using death as his way out was also what Kent had thought happened, but it wasn’t what he had meant then.</p><p>Chandler deflated again and fell back into the chair. Kent was starting to worry about him being so exhausted, and he could feel himself getting tired as well.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll catch him, sir,” Kent said with a smile.</p><p>Chandler looked at him with an expression he couldn’t read. Clearly his thoughts were racing behind the tired visage.</p><p>“Thank you, Kent. That means a lot,” he finally said with a smile.</p><p>Kent had to duck his head, immediately feeling the blush on his cheeks. <em>That means a lot?</em> What? Kent’s trust in him? He’d never heard Chandler say anything like that before. Kent couldn’t keep a goofy smile from his face, even though he reminded himself that it didn’t mean anything.</p><p>He grabbed some water to drink to distract from the blush and to stop the smile from being engraved into his cheeks.</p><p>He flopped his head back on the pillow and stared up into the ceiling, the tiredness suddenly overtaking him. He was gonna say something to Chandler about him being tired and it being okay if he wanted to leave as he had things to do, but he just needed to rest his eyes for a moment.</p><p>When he opened them again, he had a vague feeling that more time had passed than he’d wanted to. He must’ve drifted off to sleep for a bit. Oh well. Chandler wouldn’t hold it against him that he hadn’t said goodbye before falling asleep. He hoped Chandler would get through the day alright even with the lack of sleep.</p><p>He didn’t know what time it was, but he hoped he’d slept for a good while, so it wouldn’t be long before people came by again.</p><p>He closed his eyes forcefully, trying to will away the feelings that were already settling themselves heavy in his chest. <em>He could handle being alone for a bit</em>, he snapped at himself, shameful that the feeling was still there even though people were obviously there for him, and he knew he wasn’t alone.</p><p>The creak of a chair sounded.</p><p>He… wasn’t alone?</p><p>He opened his eyes and looked towards the chair only to find Chandler shifting around clearly asleep before coming to rest in what didn’t look like the most comfortable of positions.</p><p>If seeing Chandler tired and soft before had felt like Kent intruding on something private then this did tenfold, but Kent couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. He looked beautiful, slightly curled up in the chair, a bit messy, and his face completely open and free of worry lines. Not at all put together the way Kent was used to seeing him.</p><p>He lay completely still, quiet save for his breathing which was still loud. He didn’t dare hold his breath. It would be a while before he let himself feel anything that had to do with lacking oxygen. He was scared of waking him up, feeling that he might be self-conscious about Kent seeing him asleep, but simultaneously worried about the time. He didn’t know what time it was, but what if Chandler was late for work?</p><p>He took a moment more to admire the man he loved in a way he was sure he’d never see again, feeling slightly shameful of doing so, before he gathered up the courage to wake him up.</p><p>“Sir,” he said quietly. “wake up, you’ve fallen asleep. Sir!”</p><p>Chandler smacked his lips shortly before squinting up at Kent. He ran his hands down his face and then through his hair before shaking himself awake.</p><p>Kent stared at him mesmerized but made sure to look away before Chandler looked at him properly.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, Kent,” he said, his face slightly flushed. “Evidently I really didn’t sleep well last night.” He said, gathering himself. He looked a little less tired now, and he quickly assumed his more well put together work persona.</p><p>“No need to apologize, sir. I fell asleep too. Only just woke up, but I don’t have any way of telling the time. Just wanted to make sure you’re not late,” Kent explained.</p><p>Chandler took out his phone. “Ah yeah, I should probably- uh- I should maybe- clean up a bit before work,” he said, gesturing at his wrinkly clothes, the serious face dropping for a moment as he looked flustered in a way that the team’s dirty jokes were normally the cause of.</p><p>He stood up and walked over next to Kent.</p><p>“Well that visit became a bit longer than expected-,” Chandler said reaching out his hand as if to give Kent a handshake.</p><p>Working together, and with Kent being the one who usually stayed the latest apart from Chandler they were no strangers to saying goodbye or goodnight and it’d never involved a handshake, but Kent still grabbed Chandler’s hand.</p><p>“- but I’m really happy to see that you’re okay,” Chandler continued as he gave Kent’s hand a squeeze.</p><p>“Thank you, sir,” Kent replied expecting the handshake to be over. But Chandler’s hand was still holding on a little too strong. Kent knew that Chandler was used to giving strong formal handshakes and those didn’t last an uncomfortably long time, but apart from the small friendly squeeze it still felt like a formal handshake, although Kent would have liked to imagine that he was holding hands with him in a moment that wasn’t out of desperation as he was bleeding out.</p><p>After a long intense pause, Chandler finally began to speak.</p><p>“You know, it was sc-“</p><p>“I suspected you’d be here as well,” Miles’ voice was heard from behind the curtain before he appeared in Kent’s view.</p><p>Chandler jumped away letting go of Kent’s hand causing it to fall awkwardly down into his lap. Kent could almost swear he’d imagined Chandler’s thumb stroking across the back of his hand, but that was all it had to be, his imagination.</p><p>Although when he looked towards Chandler, he’d shoved both of his hands into his trouser pockets. Why was he being so odd about a handshake? Was there something more to this? Or was Kent reading too much into it?</p><p>“Good to see you’re alright, lad,” Miles said giving Kent a warm smile. He then looked Chandler up and down with a scrutinizing eye.</p><p>“You on the other hand look like shit. You’d think you were the one who just survived being stabbed.”</p><p>“Miles!” Chandler said indignantly.</p><p>Kent hid his grin in the duvet. </p><p>“I’m flattered you want to be like me, kid, but having been stabbed isn’t a requirement for the sergeant’s exam,” Miles said with a twinkle in his eye.</p><p>“And you only tell me that now?” Kent smiled at him.</p><p>“You coping alright then? Going home soon?” Miles asked.</p><p>“Yeah, given the circumstance and with the painkillers I’m doing alright,” Kent said, omitting his sudden need to have people around to distract him from his awful feelings. He wasn’t exactly lying. He was doing alright at that moment. “There’s still some checkups that need to be done before they’re absolutely sure things are alright, and who knows when that will be, but I expect to be out of here sometime today, yeah.”</p><p>“Good to hear. Nothing worse than lying in a hospital bed bored out of your mind, well maybe the actual stabbing, but only just,” he glanced over at Chandler again. “You going to work like <em>that</em>?”</p><p>“No, of course not! I was just heading home,” Chandler said, affronted.</p><p>“Well don’t let me stop you. Shift’s getting closer,” Miles said and shrugged.</p><p>Chandler looked from Miles to Kent for a moment before nodding and saying a short goodbye to them both. Kent already felt a pang of sadness at seeing him leave. This was ridiculous. Miles was still there. Even if he wasn’t, he should be able to handle being alone.</p><p>“You have anyone who can give you a lift home?” Miles asked.</p><p>“Uh, I don’t know. Maybe. My family will come by later, but they might be too busy to stay until I can go home. Of course, they’d drop anything for me, but I don’t want to have to ask that of them. Of course then I don’t have any power on my phone, so I won’t be able to call anyone.”</p><p> “Hm, well if you get home before end of shift, give us a call or sent a text, but if we don’t hear from you, I’ll send someone to come pick you up, alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, thanks Skip.”</p><p>“No problem. Riley, Mansell and Buchan say hello and get well soon by the way. I’m sure they’d have loved to come by, but as you might imagine, this is going to be a stressful day.”</p><p>“Yeah, I hope Chandler’s gonna be okay,” Kent said quietly.</p><p>Miles huffed and smiled smugly at him.</p><p>“Don’t give me that. Not now. You saw how he was looking, and then to have such a stressful day on top of that.”</p><p>“I’m sure he’s gonna be in a better state of mind to solve cases now that you haven’t died on him,” Miles said.</p><p>Oh. Of course. Chandler always took every responsibility upon himself. Kent had almost died, and Chandler was gonna see it as <em>his </em>fault. Oh no, Kent had nearly done that to him.</p><p>“Believe it or not, Kent, but you also matter to him, even if he’s rubbish at showing it.”</p><p>Kent felt like an idiot. He’d been thinking something else must have happened for Chandler to have lost sleep and not quite be himself, but it was him that had happened. He’d almost died in front of Chandler and somehow hadn’t connected the dots that seeing his co-worker almost dying in front of him would upset him. Maybe it was because he had been so stoic and professional at the time Miles had been stabbed. Of course, him and Miles hadn’t been as close then as Chandler was with any of the team now, so maybe that was why, or maybe it was because Kent had come closer to dying.</p><p>Kent couldn’t believe himself. He was a detective. How hadn’t he realized? That was why he’d come so early in the morning - to settle his own worries. He’d been so worried <em>about Kent.</em> Of course he’d known that he was worried, and that the reason he’d been there was to check up on him, that much was obvious, but to see him so disheveled, so out of himself, so exhausted that he’d fall asleep in a hospital chair, and know it had come about for worry of him was something else. He could feel his cheeks flaming and he knew there was no hiding it from the older detective. He glanced up at him, embarrassed.</p><p>Miles looked very pleased with himself.</p><p>“Be glad it’s just me here. Mansell and Riley would be having a field day with the way you’re looking right now. Local lad gets surprised that he’s not entirely invisible to his crush,” Miles said and followed it up with a short barking laughter. “Sometimes, I can’t believe you’re almost a sergeant and not a smitten schoolboy come to visit a police station for a school trip.”</p><p>“Skip, please!” Hearing Miles talk about it like that was like having his parents try to bud in on his love life.</p><p>“Alright, alright, I’ll leave it now. Actually, I think I have to leave all together. Shift’s getting close,” Miles said, then his face turned soft. “We’re really happy you’re safe, Kent. Don’t hesitate to reach out to people. The aftermath can be rough. Well what am I saying, you’ve been roughed up before, so you know. But we’re here for you. And I don’t think I’ve said this before, but I’m damn proud that it’s you who will be taking my place, and I’m 100% sure that so is Chandler.”</p><p>Now his cheeks were burning, <em>and</em> he was getting teary? Miles really knew how to push his buttons, but he was grateful for the older man’s perceptiveness, cause even if he’d come to the conclusion of Chandler worrying so much about him on his own, he would have written it off as wishful thinking, and the tears were happy, mixed with some melancholy. He knew that Miles wouldn’t leave Whitechapel as soon as he became sergeant as well, but he didn’t have long left before retirement.</p><p>“Thank you, Skip. I’m gonna miss you,” Kent said and sniffled slightly. There was a reason Miles could be compared to his parents; he felt like a third parental figure to him. He had ever since Kent had arrived young and insecure in Whitechapel.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I’m only going to work,” Miles grinned, and Kent grinned back, but as soon as he was gone, he realized that despite having meant that he’d miss him when he left Whitechapel, he did also very much miss him right there and then, as he was once more alone with his thoughts.</p><p>He picked up a book to distract himself with and was thankful when a nurse came to do a checkup shortly after.</p><p>Between the checkups, his family coming to visit him later in the day, the intermittent naps, and the final checkup where Kent was advised on wound care, what to eat when he came home and prescribed painkillers and advised on when to take them, Kent barely had to be alone during the day which suited him perfectly.</p><p>It had gotten late in the day and Kent suspected that Miles had already taken his lack of contact as a sign that he needed to be picked up, so he sat down in the general waiting area, his things packed in a bag his mom had brought for the purpose, and waited, looking out for any uniforms that might’ve been set up to play taxi for him, so he’d save the money.</p><p>It was to his big surprise then, that he saw Chandler walking in through the automatic doors. He threw his hand up in a greeting, when he saw Kent, and Kent responded in kind automatically, more focused on not letting the surprise show on his face.  </p><p>“Kent, you’re all ready to go home then?” Chandler said doing a slight half-jog to get over to Kent faster.</p><p>“I am, yeah,” he said hesitantly. He was still unsure of why Chandler was there and not one of the uniforms, but he hadn’t found the words to ask yet. He stood up from his seat, not entirely able to keep from grunting at the spike in pain as he moved about.</p><p>He was about to turn around to get his bag when Chandler made a move to bow down as well.</p><p>“I can take that,” Chandler said.</p><p>“No, that’s okay, sir,” Kent said grabbing his bag. “I can carry bags just fine; I’m just not supposed to operate heavy machinery.”</p><p>Chandler stepped back. “Ah yes, of course. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No need to apologize. It was a kind gesture. Um,” Kent paused wondering whether this would be an appropriate segue as they began walking outside. “Speaking of, it’s nice of you to drive me home, but when Miles said he’d send someone to come pick me up, I expected it to be one of the uniforms. Aren’t you busy with the case?”</p><p>“Oh, well Miles suggested I come. Probably to get me away from the station. There’s no overtime. Killer hasn’t showed up and we have questionable leads to his whereabouts at best, so we’ll just have to continue tomorrow. Sorry,” he said and glanced guiltily at Kent.</p><p>Ah yeah, that sounded like Miles, Kent thought. He decided to spin Chandler’s guilt at not catching the killer yet into something positive.</p><p>“At least by the sounds of it, that means no new victim?” Kent voiced the statement as a question.</p><p>“That we know of,” Chandler said immediately putting a dampener on the positivity. </p><p>“You don’t think it would’ve showed up by now?”</p><p>“It seems like it’s most likely that he’s fled the city. Buchan thinks that might be disruption enough for him to not continue, but we can’t know.”</p><p>“Well, exactly,” Kent said only to be met by Chandler’s confused look directed at him. He hurried to clarify: “You can’t know, so there’s no need to assume the worst.”</p><p>“Well I certainly admire the way you can stay optimistic given the circumstance,” Chandler said with a small smile. </p><p>Kent’s heart skipped a beat at Chandler directing the word ‘admire’ at him. He let himself fall behind a pace or two to hide his automatic grin from Chandler’s peripheral view.</p><p>“Ah well,” I’m not, Kent thought. “Glass half full and that kinda thing,” he said without meaning to deflect from how he was feeling. He knew ignoring it wasn’t a viable strategy, but he could ignore it as long as he was in Chandler’s presence.</p><p>They got to the car and the conversation stilled as the radio came on. Chandler was quietly concentrating on the traffic and Kent vaguely followed along with the chatter in between songs and absentmindedly tapping a rhythm on his knees when the songs were on while sneaking glances at Chandler every so often. He usually did when they were driving. It was interesting to see Chandler just as dedicated and focused while driving as he was on any case. Of course they <em>had </em>seen more traffic accidents than the average person and knew it was important to be alert, but Kent still admired it in Chandler anytime he got to drive with him.</p><p>This was definitely much nicer than being picked up by one of the uniforms.</p><p>They arrived home at Kent’s place and Chandler insisted on following him all the way home. There was that dedication again.</p><p>“You don’t have to do this,” Kent reminded him as they were walking up the stairs. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like Chandler would just go: Oh right, and walk back down, but he guessed it was just some form of politeness to let him know that he really wasn’t obligated to.</p><p>He was slightly worried that that <em>was </em>what would happen. He was very happy to have Chandler with him, but it was a fine line between being thankful towards him and accidentally saying too much. He also didn’t want to pressure Chandler into helping him any more than he already had.</p><p>But Chandler had just smiled and said: “It’s alright. I want to,” and it had given Kent the courage to offer him a cup of tea when they were both standing inside his small flat.</p><p>“Yes, please,” Chandler replied, and Kent simply stared at him blankly for a couple of seconds before regaining his ability to speak. That was definitely not the answer he had expected.</p><p>“Right!” he said, turning towards his kitchen which, he now remembered with dread, still hadn’t been cleaned up from dinner two nights before and breakfast the day before. “Right, yeah, tea.”</p><p><em>He </em>was the one who had offered it. Why was he floundering so much? It was just a regular cup of tea. Oh no. Chandler preferred green tea.</p><p>“Um,” he turned towards Chandler again. “I only have black tea, I’m afraid.”</p><p>That was that opportunity for extra company ruined.</p><p>“It’s fine. I can drink black tea as well,” Chandler replied.</p><p>“Oh. Well then,” he walked towards the kitchen and immediately began the clean up as soon as he’d put the kettle on.</p><p>Chandler stood in the doorway and watched him.</p><p>“Please don’t feel obligated to clean for my sake,” Chandler said.</p><p>What was <em>happening?</em> Kent knew that Chandler had been worried about him, but to his eyes he was doing fine now, and yet he was being so accommodating towards him. Kent couldn’t say he disliked it, but it was strange new territory and beginning to resemble the beginning of some of the domestic fantasies Kent had had. He had to reel himself back in.</p><p>Chandler was just being polite and kind towards his employee who had been <em>stabbed</em> the day before.</p><p>“I know this isn’t normal circumstances, sir, but I do like for my place to not look like a pigsty when I have company over,” Kent said, his elbows deep in soapy water.</p><p>“So long as you don’t overexert yourself.”</p><p>“It’s fine!”</p><p>But even as he exclaimed that, as soon as he had made the tea and sat down, exhaustion hit him again. A full recovery might be what was expected, but it didn’t mean it would happen overnight, and Kent’s body was using a lot of extra energy in the process.</p><p>Chandler sat across from him, his hands wrapped around the mug for warmth, mirroring Kent, and Kent knew he had to savour this memory of Chandler looking so homely in his space.</p><p>Even their chatting had moved on from work to more casual topics; complaining about the guy living above him seemingly tapdancing everywhere he went; his vain search for a proper flat mate since his old ones had moved out; Chandler remarking upon him preferring a proper cup of black tea to a butchered cup of green tea and sharing several tales of bad tea he’d had and Kent supplying with some videos he had seen online of some awful ways some people made tea.</p><p>Time passed like that and even though he was exhausted, Kent wanted it to last forever, but then Chandler suppressed a yawn, and Kent could suddenly recognize the overtired features from earlier that day. Chandler hadn’t slept anymore since then, and Kent knew he had to be at least as exhausted as he felt.</p><p>As much as he wanted it to last, he knew it had to wind down now. He couldn’t keep Chandler there.</p><p>“Thank you for driving me home,” Kent said and moved to take Chandler’s mug.</p><p>“Of course,” Chandler said sincerely. “And just know that you can call me anytime if there’s something wrong, okay?”</p><p>“Thank you,” Kent smiled. Chandler looked serious as they locked eyes, but Kent figured it was probably more of a polite saying. He had other people to call. He didn’t need to bother Chandler.</p><p>He was about to turn around and put the mugs in the sink, when Chandler got his attention: “Kent!”</p><p>His face softened with an unsure look and he looked like he was about to say something.</p><p>“Yes, sir?” Kent answered automatically, using the honorific for the first time since their conversation had turned casual.</p><p>“Wh-“ Chandler began, but then his features hardened and he gave Kent a curt nod. “I’m serious about the phone call. It’s part of my responsibility to look out for you.”</p><p>“Thanks again, sir,” Kent replied, getting the feeling that this wasn’t what Chandler had meant to say but not wanting to pry.</p><p>Chandler got up to put on his jacket, and Kent followed him to the door.</p><p>“Sleep well, Kent.”</p><p>“Same to you, sir.”</p><p>The door closed behind Chandler and Kent could feel the knot in his stomach show up with the click of the lock.</p><p>“This is ridiculous,” he told himself before busying himself so he wouldn’t have to confront it. Not yet.</p><p>He put his phone in the charger, cleaned out the mugs and left them to dry, then went around the flat picking up the mess he’d felt self-conscious about when Chandler was there.</p><p>He went to the bathroom to clean and re-bandage the wound, undressed, did his usual sweep of the flat to turn off the lights, grabbed his phone and charger and laid down in bed.</p><p>He was exhausted beyond belief, so he’d try to sleep in just a moment. He just had to check the internet first. No, he wasn’t distracting himself and making it worse by making himself more tired. Of course not.</p><p>When he could barely keep his eyes open and they started hurting from looking at the screen and he couldn’t focus anymore, he finally put the phone aside and turned off the light.</p><p>The feeling was immediate and overwhelming like it was the shadows themselves that enveloped him. Despite the exhaustion, gone were all hopes of sleep as his brain went into overdrive.</p><p>He couldn’t handle being alone. He was so sad. Why was he so sad?</p><p>It felt like a deep dark pit in his chest. Like the sadness was physically present in his body. He clutched at his pillow as tears started flowing into it. He couldn’t stop. It soon turned into horrible sobs that turned his pillow wet with snot and tears, and he soon struggled to breathe through his sobs. <em>Oh no. Please breathe. He needed to breathe. </em></p><p>He started to panic due to the lack of oxygen. The breaths got shallower and shallower and he gasped for air, until he finally remembered himself and sat up to take some deep breaths of air.</p><p>It worked on his body’s panic reaction, but not on the thoughts. He deeply and desperately needed someone there to comfort him, and he felt absolutely ashamed by it. There’d been people with him at every possible point. He shouldn’t feel like this but for some reason he was. He couldn’t stop it.</p><p>What if he never stopped feeling like this? What if he was never able to be alone again without feeling this horrible feeling akin to homesickness?</p><p>He was home and safe. He shouldn’t feel like this. <em>He shouldn’t.</em></p><p>He moved about restlessly, forgetting about his wound for a moment before being awfully reminded of it and gritting his teeth through the pain.</p><p>What was he <em>doing?</em> What if he complicated the wound because he was acting like a crybaby?</p><p>The shame washed over him again. He thought he’d worked through being like that. He was more confident at work and even though it still overwhelmed him from time to time, it didn’t hit him as hard as it used to, and the striping was years ago now, and had faded to the point that he was confident being sent out alone again, but now he felt this bad by just being alone in his own home? He was on his way to becoming a sergeant, but if he stayed like this, if he’d regressed so far back, he wouldn’t be able to make it. He’d let his team down.</p><p>He screamed and threw the pillow as far as he could across the room before grabbing two fistfuls of his hair and pulling just a bit too hard.</p><p>“Real fucking mature, Kent!” he said angrily at himself, and then muttered: “But I’m not mature. I’m a fucking baby who needs someone to be with him cause he can’t handle being alone.”</p><p>He began to cry heavily again. “I just-“ his voice was shaking, as was he. “I just need someone to be here with me.”</p><p>He grabbed his phone. His family were busy, but they’d drop everything and rush to him if he asked. They were the obvious choice. His friends didn’t know, and Kent couldn’t know beforehand if they were busy or not, so it’d would take a lot of explaining for possibly nothing, but then there was also Chandler.</p><p>He’d said to call him if there was anything. This was quite a big something. But then again, even if he meant it, it probably referred to if there was something wrong with him physically. But maybe it just meant in general. He knew that Chandler had worried about him. That he cared. But then, the fact that he worried about him was just another reason not to call him as that would only make him worry more.</p><p>He simultaneously decided that it was too big of an ask of him, and that he was too distraught to care as he dialed the number of Chandler’s phone.</p><p>“Kent!” Chandler’s voice sounded. An immediate ray of sunshine in Kent’s black void of sadness. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Kent had half a mind to hang up on him. Why had he called? He knew he couldn’t, cause then Chandler would <em>really </em>start to worry.</p><p>“I’m not hurting,” Kent said, his voice wobbly as he hadn’t gotten any control of it yet. “I’m just. Can you please come back?” He didn’t mean to be so vague, but he couldn’t begin to voice how he was feeling at that moment. Maybe later he could gather his thoughts enough, but not then and there.</p><p>“Of course, I’ll be there shortly,” Chandler replied.</p><p>“Thank you, sir.”</p><p>He hung up, and immediately the dark pit in his chest didn’t feel as big. The shame however had doubled. What was he doing calling his boss to come and be company this late at night just cause he got sad?</p><p>He offered! He tried telling himself, but he then remembered how exhausted Chandler was. What if he had just gotten home and was looking forward to a good night’s rest and then Kent had called and ruined it?</p><p>He was definitely stepping over some sort of line and he didn’t like it, but at the same time he craved it. He needed him there so badly and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get himself to call and tell him to not come. Not that Chandler would listen anyway. Kent knew him well enough to know that.</p><p>He sat for a while, mortified over his decision and feeling equal parts happy that the decision would bring him the comfort he so desperately needed and dread about everything else related to having his boss, having Chandler, sacrifice his own sleep to come over and see him in this state.</p><p>Well not entirely in this state, Kent thought.</p><p>He got up, turned on the light and threw on some pajamas. He grabbed his pillow from the floor and put it back on the bed with the wet side facing down.</p><p>He meant to be sitting in the living room, but a sudden wave of pain in his abdomen reminded him with a shock that he hadn’t taken his painkillers at the right time. It was supposed to be taken in a way so that he was never completely without the aid of them, and yet here he was. He hurried to take them, but he knew it would take at least 20 minutes for them to work and the pain was growing worse by the minute.</p><p>He stumbled towards the door and turned the lock off, before retreating to his bed again.</p><p>His mind was blank from fear and shame for once, though it was not because of a sudden blissful calm, but instead because all he could focus on was the searing pain in his abdomen.</p><p>He heard three rapid knocks on his door and yelled: “Just come in!”</p><p>He heard the door opening and closing again.</p><p>“Kent?”</p><p>“I’m in here!” Kent called out shortly.</p><p>Chandler appeared in the doorway, his face worried, as he saw Kent curled up in pain on the bed.</p><p>“Kent! What’s wrong? Do you need to go back to hospital?”</p><p>“No!” Kent drew in a sharp breath between gritted teeth. “I just forgot to take my painkillers. They’ll work soon.”</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to help?”</p><p>“I dunno, I-“ Kent started moving about restlessly. He needed the pain to go away. He could barely focus on other things like the discomfort of being drenched in sweat from anxiety and pain or the way he was completely crumbling up the bedsheets beneath him, or the fact that he was being this undignified mess in front of Chandler.</p><p>He closed his eyes and tried to contain a whimper. When would those stupid painkillers start to work?</p><p>“Hey Kent!” He felt Chandler’s hand close around his own and opened his eyes to see Chandler kneeling down next to him.</p><p>“Remember to breathe. Deep breaths.”</p><p>Oh yeah. His breaths had gotten shallow again. He took in a long shaky breath and slowly let the air out and repeated it, trying to focus on that instead of the pain. It helped a bit.</p><p>Chandler started stroking the back of Kent’s hand with his thumb. A gentle motion back and forward. Kent’s breath hitched for a moment at the gesture, but the gentle worried look Chandler gave him, made him focus on his breathing again.</p><p>“Buchan broke the projector today,” Chandler said out of nowhere which brought a surprised chuckle from Kent’s lips. “I just forgot to say, cause I was so wrapped up in us not being any closer to catching the killer yet. Miles thought it was Mansell who had done something, cause he was also sat close to it at the time. Riley came to the same conclusion and started beating him with what I believe was a rolled-up envelope, and all the while Mansell was protesting loudly. I should probably have interfered before it reached that level of chaos, but if I’m being honest, I thought it was Mansell’s fault as well,” Chandler said with a guilty smile.</p><p>“I would definitely have blamed Mansell as well,” Kent grinned.</p><p>“Yeah well, Buchan looked at it during the chaos and determined it had simply been overheated. He’d used it for a while before taking that particular presentation to us, and that was why it had shut down. We gathered an hour or so later after it had cooled down and it overheated within a minute again. Buchan gave the presentation without the projector, and then I think we lost his particular man-power for the rest of the day as he tried to fix it.”</p><p>“And how did that go?”</p><p>“The last I saw of it, he wasn’t even able to turn it on in the first place anymore, so that will probably be a future expense.”</p><p>“To be fair, that particular projector also seems like it’s been around since the stone age. I think they can handle paying for a new projector once every millennium.”</p><p>“The stone age ended much longer ago than a single millennium,” Chandler corrected.</p><p>“Well even better for them, then!” Kent smiled and could see it reflected in Chandler. He grunted as he became aware of the pain again. It was starting to dull though, and Kent appreciated how Chandler had distracted him from thinking of it. He extended his focus to the calming motion of Chandler’s thumb across the back of his hand.</p><p>They’d really been holding hands this entire time. At least that was one good thing that had happened in the midst of everything awful <em>and </em>it had happened twice now. Kent had to take his small victories when he got them cause it seemed like everything else was defeat.</p><p>“Are you feeling better?” Chandler asked, although it must have been obvious to him, as Kent was much calmer now.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kent replied hesitantly. He <em>was</em> feeling better. That, he couldn’t lie about, but he was worried that Chandler might see that as his cue to leave again, and the main reason that Kent was feeling better was due to him being there. What was his plan? He couldn’t just ask Chandler to stay there forever, and once he left it would just be the same show all over again.</p><p>Maybe he could ask him to stay until he fell asleep? He’d already asked so much of Chandler, and he already hated himself for it, so why not just ask him for what he really needed. </p><p>“Why did you tell me you weren’t hurting when you called me?”</p><p>“Oh,” Kent said. It took him a second to be fully out of his thoughts and formulate an answer. “Well I wasn’t at the time.”</p><p>Chandler looked at him expectantly, and Kent figured he might as well clarify since he would have to if he were to ask Chandler to stay with him until he fell asleep anyway.</p><p>“I’m not feeling very well. Mentally, I mean.”</p><p>Chandler nodded seriously, but offered no comment, and Kent filled the silence with more elaboration.</p><p>“And I’ve had this feeling like homesickness, I guess. That’s the best way I can describe it, and it gets really intense the moment I’m alone, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I could just feel. I <em>needed </em>someone here,” his throat closed up and he blinked to keep the treacherous tears away. “And I’m-“ his voice cracked and he cleared his throat before continuing. “I’m sorry that I had to go and ask you. I know how tired you are, and you probably just got home, and you have work in the morning, and you already spent time picking me up and driving me here, and I could’ve just asked my family even though they’re busy, but then I could’ve just called a friend-“</p><p>“Kent!” Chandler interrupted his rant. “Don’t feel bad about calling me. I told you to call me if something was wrong. Something was wrong and you called. It’s as simple as that. There’s no shame in it.”</p><p>Oh no, here came the tears at the word shame. That was <em>exactly </em>what he was feeling.</p><p>“But I shouldn’t be feeling like this. I should be able to be by myself. What if it stays like this?” He closed his eyes as the wet trails of tears snaked their way down his face. Chandler’s grip on his hand tightened and the gentle constant motion of his thumb halted.</p><p>“Then I will be there. Anytime you need it. You just have to call!”</p><p>Kent couldn’t believe the words he’d just heard. He looked at Chandler only to find that his eyes were suspiciously glistening as well.</p><p>“Sir?” Kent didn’t know of another way to voice his confusion. What was he even supposed to say to that? Did Chandler really worry about him so much that he was willing to do that? Or was it the guilt that Kent had been stabbed trying to protect him? </p><p>Chandler seemingly winced at the word.</p><p>“I don’t- I’m not saying that you <em>will</em> keep feeling like that, but it’s natural. Kent, you were just <em>stabbed</em>, and I- I thought you were about to die. You’re allowed to feel bad, and you’re allowed to have someone who is there for you, and I don’t know why you called me, but I’m glad you did, cause I want to be there for you, Kent.”</p><p>Kent withdrew his hand so he could move himself up into a seated position in order to better look Chandler in the eye. He was lost for words, and his brain was working overtime to make sense of what Chandler was saying, ever wary that he was reading too much into it.  </p><p>Chandler let go of Kent’s hand as soon as he moved it, but Kent caught the worried expression that flickered across his face, and the lingering of his outstretched hand in the space where it had held his own, before Chandler put it to rest on his opposite arm forming a protective barrier across his chest.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“For what? No. No,” Kent leaned forward to take Chandler’s hand again, and Chandler seeing what he was doing immediately gave up the barrier to hold his hand. “I’m thankful to hear that. I’m just,” he laughed insecurely. “Confused I suppose.”</p><p>Chandler gave him a sad smile. “Well, I’ve chickened out of saying this twice now, so third time’s the charm.” He took a deep breath. “When I thought you were about to die, it was scary. It was like I was about to lose the rock that keeps me steady. It shook me. I couldn’t bear the thought, and I didn’t know if you were okay. I- The reason I’m so tired is because I drove to hospital. I had to check that you were alright, and then I was so tired, I just slept in the car park. Oh, that’s awful. I’m awful. When I say I want to be there for you, I’m just being selfish. I want to be near you. I just want to see you. To know that you’re okay. It breaks my heart to see that you’re not, and if I can be the reason that you’re feeling better I want to be and it’s because of the way I’m feeling, and I shouldn’t be feeling like that, cause I’m your boss, and I shouldn’t take advantage of you in such a vulnerable time-”</p><p>“Chandler!” Now it was Kent’s turn to interrupt Chandler’s rant. He looked up at Kent, his eyes glistening.</p><p>Kent rarely did things without thinking them through first. The last time he did, he’d had a knife plunged into his abdomen. But his thoughts were as knotted together as a pair of headphones that had been left in a pocket going every which way and intertwining in response to what Chandler had just said, and in a bout of courage, he decided not to wait for his thoughts to catch up. He put his free hand on Chandler’s cheek and leant down and kissed him. </p><p>For a very long couple of seconds Chandler was stunned with shock, and Kent’s thoughts were fast to tell him he’d misinterpreted the situation. His heart dropped and he was about to pull back, an apology ready on his tongue when Chandler joined in for a blissful moment before Kent grunted in pain and had to pull back.</p><p>Leaning down like that had put too much pressure on his wound.</p><p>“Ow, I forgot about that,” Kent said pointing at his abdomen, but even with the pain, he was smiling brightly at what he had just done, at the fact that Chandler had joined in, and at finally starting to comprehend what Chandler had just said. “I hope I interpreted your rant correctly.”</p><p>Chandler regarded him with worry on his face. “Yes, but- I’m not pressuring you or anyth-“ Chandler was about to ask, but Kent interrupted him:</p><p>“If the team were here, they’d laugh at that question, I’ll tell you, <em>sir,</em>” he said putting a sarcastic intonation on the honorific. “I’ve been bloody head over heels for you since forever!”</p><p>“You have?” Chandler asked, his voice resonating with hopefulness and happiness. Kent couldn’t help but laugh at that tone.</p><p>“Yes! Now care to join me and we can try again?” Kent said pulling at the hand he was already holding. Chandler got up slowly and painfully. Kneeling down for as long as he had, hadn’t exactly been kind to his knees.</p><p>Kent moved over in bed. Chandler hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the bed next to him, but Kent just waited and let him take his time.</p><p>He sat down and looked over at Kent, nervousness evident in his body language. They locked eyes and Kent smiled widely at him which seemed to put him a bit at ease. He slowly, carefully, moved across the bed, and, holding himself steady with one arm so as not to risk putting any of his weight on top of Kent, he leant down to kiss him. Kent moved both of his hands up to frame the sides of Chandler’s face. They pulled back and stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, before Kent couldn’t contain his giddiness and had to look down, a big smile across his flushed face, as he let his hands fall into his lap. Chandler simply stared at him mesmerized.</p><p> “I’m glad you decided to call me.”</p><p>Kent huffed. “I’m glad that I did. I felt bad about it. About…. Lots of things,” he said evadingly. He’d already expressed some of his insecurities. He was too happy and too tired to go back to that. “Well I felt bad about you having to come here. Aren’t you tired? You-“ he had a sudden realization of what Chandler had said. “You slept in the car park last night? Because of me? Because you were worried about me?” he asked incredulously.</p><p>Chandler withdrew a bit, looking guilty.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I’d been sent home by Miles, but I had to see you, and then your family were there, and I felt like I was trespassing and still I waited. I went and saw you after they’d left. I wasn’t supposed to, but I still did it. And then I was in no state to drive anywhere. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“No, don’t!” Kent said almost commandingly. “I’m just, I didn’t know you cared that much.”</p><p>Chandler barked out a short laugh. “Neither did I, actually. In a typical me fashion I didn’t realise until I saw you slipping away from me that I love you-“ His head jerked up in surprise and his eyes grew wide at the realization of what he had just said out loud. Kent had simply frozen.</p><p>“You- you- <em>what?!” </em>Kent didn’t want to make it sound like he didn’t reciprocate the feeling, but he couldn’t wrap his head around what he had just heard. This had gone from zero to a hundred really quickly.</p><p>Chandler looked mortified at his reaction, and he scrambled to correct himself: “I mean same- uh- I feel the same way! I-“ he sat up to hug Chandler tight, his forehead resting on Chandler’s shoulder. “I love you too!” he finally said calmly.</p><p>Chandler let out a relieved sigh. He gingerly embraced Kent, still careful not to hurt him.</p><p>“I realized it then. I’ve felt that way for a while, but I didn’t know- I couldn’t recognize it- I’m-“ he let out a shaky breath. “Glad the feeling is mutual.”</p><p>The hug continued in silence, far longer than any of them intended, but they both needed it, and it said much more than they would have been able to ineloquently string together. Eventually they moved to lie next to each other on the bed with Kent still resting his head on Chandler’s shoulder and Chandler’s arm still gingerly around Kent.</p><p>“You’re so amazing and sweet, and I can’t believe you gave up your sleep out of worry for me. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’ve been with me today,” Kent said. His words were starting to get mumbly as his shame, pain and adrenaline had now died down and all that was left was a quiet contentment at the situation at hand, and the overpowering tiredness threatening to send him to sleep at any moment.</p><p>“Mm,” Chandler hummed, equally sleepy. “Kent… Emerson,” he tried out the word. Kent didn’t say anything but enjoyed the sound of his name on Chandler’s lips. “You jumped in front of a knife man for me. How can I ever match that?”</p><p>“You don’t need to,” Kent said. “And you already have.”</p><p>He thought of how awful he had felt only an hour earlier and how amazing he was feeling then. Warm, cozy and safe and his thoughts never straying further than to the fact that Chandler loved him. He loved Chandler. They had <em>kissed. </em>Chandler was there right now falling asleep beside him. He was giddy with emotions, and everything else, every worry, fear, shame and self-doubt would have to wait and not be felt in that moment. He knew he’d have to deal with those emotions and thoughts later and that they weren’t just gone, but he also knew how much Chandler cared about him and how willing he was to be there for him. He could count on Chandler, and that would make a world of difference. </p><p>Chandler’s breath evened out, and Kent snook a glance at him to see if he’d fallen asleep. He had and he looked just as endearing if not more than the last time Kent had seen him sleeping. He was still wearing his suit and sitting on top of the covers that had been curled up from Kent’s thrashing about – a testament either to how much he cared about Kent or to how tired he was, that he had ignored that. Perhaps it was both.</p><p>Kent carefully turned around to turn off the lights. He moved back and laid his head down precisely where it had been before. It fit perfectly there as if it was made for him, and he was soon carried into a peaceful sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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